Do not panic. Everyone is ok. I have just not had time to write.
Are you still there? Everyone doing alright? I hope so. Good talk.
We don’t like to look back. We don’t get rid of the videos and pictures on our phones. We can’t and we may never. Every now and again Princess gets hold of one our phones and starts scrolling through them though. She stops and watches the videos. She makes us look. We do, we might even smile. She likes to see pictures of her when she was small and Monkey when he could move and do.
We can’t stay there though. It hurts.
We know we will find that boy again one day and if you’ve been reading for a while, you know that it pretty much consumes our thoughts.
We can’t get too excited about what is to come either. We know better days are ahead. But we can’t forget the now because that is pretty much all we’ve got. That is a struggle. It’s hard not to get carried away by what good things are ahead. We do it all the time. It’s hard to find the now in the middle of a crazy, bad, sometimes awful day.
I don’t have words to tell you how because I’m still trying to figure it out. It’s been one of those days, as it goes by, you can’t wait for it to be over. I have to look back on my day and cherish the time I had with my son, my daughter, my wife.
You might see this as a gloomy way to live. But as a parent of child I may very well outlive, I have an acute awareness of the time I have and the unknown of the future. One day God will take back what he is letting us borrow. Monkey will run, jump, talk, and sing. But right now, he’s our’s and we cannot wish a moment to go by unnoticed.