Lying seems like such a harsh way to say it. Perhaps bending the truth would make me feel better… However, neither of those really capture the essence of what happens. During a conversation I had with one of my cousins last week I told her the truth. It felt good. It felt right. I slid it in there like a nice punch line. Now before you get all worked up, this is not earth shattering in the ‘I can’t believe they do that!’ kind of way. At least I don’t think so.

So here it is, for all the world to know. Are you ready? Really ready? I’m not sure you are… but here goes.

Father forgive me for I have sinned… I dare not mock the Catholics. Nevermind that business.

Lets try again. This getting old yet?

We make things up! All the time. About Monkey and mainly his seizures. No no, not super important medically factual information. But we often find ourselves in conversation with well meaning friends and family about Monkey and his seizures. They want to know what causes them, they’re naturally curious. Well the only scientific answer there is or ever will be is that his brain is smooth. Very technically it’s called neuronal migration disorder associated with his isolated lissencephaly (this big supercalifragilisticexpialidocious word means smooth brain).  So a brief science lesson by the non science teacher in the house.

Your brain has wrinkles and folds. Within those wrinkles and folds are housed millions of synapses that fire neurons and receive neurons. The wrinkles and folds carry the fired neuron along its way until it reaches its intended destination, your body reacts accordingly and you put your food in your mouth. I’m pretty sure this is a close, if not scientifically irrefutable, explanation of your brain according to my basic college level biology understanding.

So what happens in Monkey’s brain when a synapse fires off a neuron on its instantaneous journey of a long long way in brain miles, is that it doesn’t have a good road to travel. This is because his brain is smooth. It  has far fewer wrinkles and folds than mine and yours. His fired off neuron may travel just fine for a bit and then it runs into brain pothole. A place where the original path runs out of a good wrinkle. Well, I liken this to a bulldozer running into a wall that cannot be moved. The driver of said bulldozer would have some serious whiplash. And such an accident on the neuron highway has struck again as Monkey is trying to fall asleep right now.

So what’s with the confession you ask? Well, sometimes we don’t get into the anatomy of a seizure in well meaning and social conversations. People will mention that they have heard this and that about the causes of seizures. They had a friend who’s kid ate something, there was a low pressure system and storm coming, etc, etc.  We do speculate the environmental causes of Monkey’s seizures to some extent. We think logically about what occurs during times of his seizure clusters and try to form a hypothesis about what is going on (I am married to a science teacher. Did I mention that?) Sometimes we even reach the same guesses as Suzie’s friend’s, mother’s, aunt’s, cousin’s, boyfriend’s, nephew’s, brother. But that is the best they are, guesses.

We share these thoughts with doctors, or used to. They just look at us with that doctor look. You know the one. They’re looking at you like they’re listening, but you’re thinking, I bet they’re just thinking about what they want for lunch. Then they say something profound like, ‘That’s interesting’ or maybe ‘That is possible, I suppose’.

We even bring it up ourselves and speculate together with the well meaning friend or relative. Just like last week when I was talking to my cousin. I just heard the words coming out of mine and my wife’s mouths as we talked to her. She listened with loving kindness, as she does all things, and then I told her the truth. Sometimes we are just making it up.

Why you ask? Well because some people don’t or can’t understand. Sometimes it’s easier for us just to talk on through a conversation. A lot like that bulldozer. Sometimes we’re just tired of explaining it again. Then there is the possibility that if we didn’t talk to you all as if we understood it all and have it wrapped up neatly, we might start to believe we don’t. Which is probably closer to the truth. I hope you can forgive us. Sometimes its just easier and depending on who it is or how we’re feeling right then, it’s even a little fun.